The Gatekeeper

So the past couple of weeks have been a couple of sheer misery. I can't hide, can't deny it, sweep it under the rug, set it on fire, or evaporate it.

All I can do is be better.

What would be the cause of my misery?: A girl (isn't it always?)

Why?: Because I had a schoolboy crush on a girl who I thought had a wonderful Childlike demeanor(as in a playful and easy going spirit) and I got to date her. Cloud 10 was my life at that moment in time. But when reality hit, it hit hard. It really hurts when you are told you are "Not just another", then you realize you are "Just Another" and replaced by someone in the same circle (this is a continuous cycle though).

So what does that make me?: John Cusack in a 80s movie who can't keep or get the girl he wants (note this is more "Better off Dead" and not "Say Anything")

What does that make her?: The girl in the John Cusack 80s movie (not Ione Skye) who ditches John Cusack. It could also make her Charlie from "High Fidelity" (Note that John Cusack always ends up with someone who is more awesome in the end).

She was childish, using, deceitful ,and selfish as anyone can be. She will run a million miles and never know who she really is.

Everyone that cares about me has put it this way, "I told you so!"

So on and so forth. Move on and move forward.

How do I better me?:

I have to examine who I am and who I have been:

A runner
A musician
A poet
A writer
A photographer
An actor
A beer brewer
A comedian
A photoshop artist

Some of these things I have let go and I never should have. Some of these things I have gained along the way. Some of them I have dropped. It is now time to combine them together. Maybe I should add swimmer and biker. I could go triathleting. We'll see.

On a professional level I realize that right now I need to find a position as a recruiter. Why? Because I am a gatekeeper. I am someone who can introduce two different parties. Which brings me to Saturday night!

Saturday night made me realize that I can bring important people together! I brought the person who was looking to have a good weekend get together just slightly west of the city in Waltham with the person who knew and lived in Waltham. I brought them together at some point. The friend in Waltham decided to host a party for what was dubbed as "Waltham Night" It was an epic night. Was it perfect? In no means it was but it was awesome.

I saw two of my friends break up this week. I love both of them very much. I know that I can't take sides. I also had the love of my life (to this point) tell me how much I hurt her. I was wrong and I'm not happy I hurt her. She is someone that I love and respect very much. Do these words mean that I want to get together again with? No. However it doesn't mean that I can dispose of her as a friend. Actually, her friendship is very important to me. It just takes time. I realize how our mutual friends feel. It's how I feel.

I do know that I have friends who love me and that I love. I have family that loves me. I'm happy and I have nothing to worry about. I have a roommate that got me home last night! I was a key that allowed those from the city enjoy the suburbs a bit! My Roommate said he had the most fun he has had quite a while. It's not Western Mass but it is not far off. I would say it is the gate to east and west and I now hold the key.

As for now, I'm just going to leave everything in the sun!



Zooey Deschanel, will you marry me?