Five ways of not becoming my roommate!

So September 1st is around the corner and I will hopefully have a roommate by then. What I am worried about is the amount of idiots that will come through that will give me more stories than I will remember to write. Here are five types of offenders who will not be my roommate regardless:

1. You can't call or write for yourself- You are going to be living here. Your mom, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend, aunt, uncle, godfather, caretaker, or life-care proxy are not. Sorry, but I have ran into this problem before. Also, I'm willing to go into a little more details in step 2. However, here is my main point: You should be a Grown-Ass Man or Woman! I am and I should expect nothing less from you!

2. You want to tell me about your horrible previous living experience was- When I had lived in East Somerville three years ago I had an older gentleman call me for his "friend's son". This son had a problem with a roommate he was living with whom had alcohol problems. Not only that but this roommate got sick and would throw up constantly. Eleven months later I was looking for a new apartment because this roommate(the "friend's son") was smoking pot every day. After I had moved out six months later I needed to use the desktop computer that I graciously let this roommate("friend's son") use prior in the previous apartment. I come to find out that craigslist casual encounters male for male and _a__y_ater.com (place a d in the blank spots and even go back to the older gentleman part of this line if needed) were two websites that pulled up constantly from the user history. What was I told this computer was being used for?: Schoolwork. Yep, not falling for that one again!

3. Smoking is smoking no matter what you are smoking- I'm not living with a smoker of any kind. I don't care if it is regular cigarettes, pencil shavings, crack, pcp, daisies, or marijuana. It is still smoking! This is mainly for those who smoke marijuana. I don't dislike you but it is not my thing and I am not a fan of any part of my house smelling like it. I don't smoke it and I am not looking for someone who does (unless you never have it or smoke it in the house). Besides, You would be best served to live with four other roommates who do it instead (in most cases).

4. You refuse to read the ad and have stupid questions - There are going to be certain things that are going to be listed in the ad which are not going to change. These things include:

 Rent price
 Utilities not included in rent price
 Need of first and last months rent
 Tenancy at will

So when I get questions of:

 Can you drop the price of rent?
 Can you included utilities?
 Can I Smoke pot? It's not cigarettes.

The answer is NO and you can't move in!

5. You can't afford it - This is pretty simple but there are a lot of times where this quote comes into play: "Well, I don't have the full amount that you are asking for first and last but I can get it to you next week." 

Also here is another example: "I mean all these utilities are in my name, can't you take one of them?" (Note that I am the one that sends off a full rent check to the landlord so the amount of the rent check to myself would be your amount of the rent minus half of what the utilities cost).

Both of the statements usually are saying, "I don't have my shit together and I am constantly late on payments I owe if I even decide to make those payments." In hindsight if you fall into any or in about 50% of cases that involve bad roommates you would fall into all of these then you can't live here. I'm not letting you burn down the house.